As I mentioned before, my baby’s birthday is coming up and in preparation, I am recounting his life so far. Since he’s only going to be two, I’m starting before I met him. Today I will tell you about the horror I experienced bringing him into this world, also known as pregnancy.
Anyone who knows me will not be at all shocked to hear that I hated being pregnant. Almost every single minute of it. I’m sure it didn’t help that I entered into it with a less than positive opinion of the process. I was going to be letting a very large parasite live amongst my internal organs. There was just no getting around it. Even with this opinion as my starting point, I found pregnancy to be worse than I expected. For starters, I felt sick for 9 months straight. I wasn’t queasy for the entire 9 months (just the first three), but I just felt like I was fighting off something. I was ridiculously tired, all the time, and very lethargic. A friend of mine recently described the sensation as feeling hung over for nine months, and I whole-heartedly agree. I don’t particularly like being sick (or hung over) and I didn’t enjoy that aspect of being pregnant.
This lethargy/illness also made running while pregnant a bigger chore than I had anticipated. I thought running while visibly pregnant would be a bit more difficult than usual, but I did not anticipate that I would feel the effects of the pregnancy on my running months before it showed. And once I did begin to show, the real problems with running while pregnant began to be very apparent. It turns out that there are two tiny little ligaments that are responsible for holding your stomach in place. When you add a ton of weight to the inside of your stomach and then go bouncing that weight up and down while running, those little ligaments scream out in pain. And they continue to scream in pain for days after you’ve ceased with the bouncing. Needless to say, I did not manage to keep up the running for the full nine months. I caved somewhere between six and seven months. Running is a major part of my life and giving it up was very tough.
I will end the negativity with my final complaint. The human body was not made to carry another 8 lb human being inside it. I know many people would say I’m wrong, but I’m not. Human females are capable of carrying 8 lb (or bigger) humans inside our bodies, which makes us extremely awesome, but we weren’t designed to have those babies in there. We just make it work. And making it work is very uncomfortable. That baby takes up space previously assigned to important internal organs. Important organs like your stomach and bladder, which are now squashed to the size of dollar pancakes. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that the baby wasn’t going to fit easily inside my abdomen, but it didn’t. When I finally evicted him from the womb, I was very glad to have my stomach not squished flat and shoved half-way up my throat.
Of course in spite of all that, I would say it was totally worth it (although I wouldn’t do it again). In the end I got to take home the most amazing person I have ever met. And there were some things I did actually enjoy about being pregnant (but not many). I liked to get to see my baby on the ultrasounds once a month. I liked feeling his super tiny limbs moving around for the first time. And I really enjoyed my childbirth experience. I had my whole family with me for the entire labor and my mom and Toby were there for the actual delivery. I had an epidural so I didn’t feel a thing (it worked so well that at one point I had to ask my dad to put my leg back in the bed for me because I couldn’t move it myself).
Just in case I haven’t already made this abundantly clear: pregnancy is not for me. Motherhood, on the other hand, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.